Today started with the blood draw at the clinic and I was obviously so stressed I cried. I got up to those heavy front doors and knew I could not open them. I searched and searched for the button to open the door. I could not find it! Then I started knocking on the glass but nobody saw me. Another patient came out so I could go in and at the desk they showed me that there was indeed a button to open the door. It located on the pillar next to the parking lot driveway about 20 feet away from me standing at the door.
Then I tried to straighten out my appointment which they scheduled for Clarion instead of Garner. And then it was – sorry, Katie doesn’t have any openings. I said I was quite sure she’d see me. As three receptionists discussed this I was called to the lab. Right away she asked me if I’d been in the hospital because my arm looked pretty beat up. I assured her I had and she was kind enough to help me exit.
So tonight I have no results so nothing to tell you. I feel shaky, weak, dizzy and I’ve got a pain in my midsection. I did feel like eating some real food tonight but now I’ve got a bellyache, I suppose because it’s been so long since I’ve eaten real food.
I am locking up my beloved chickens tonight myself – I can drive the golf cart down there and carefully walk thru the gate, thru the barn and out again. Drive the golf cart back to the sidewalk and be happy.
Boy, am I tired! I hate being tired and I hate not having a purpose for each day. Becky and Jenny are coming tomorrow to help me with a few jobs but I absolutely despise being helpless.
Other than all this whining, I’m fine, dammit, I’m fine!
Prayers for you, Mary. How frustrating all this must be for you. I pray for a speedy recovery for you.
Mary,
I feel so bad that you have had to go through all of this “medical stuff.” Having worked in the medical health field for more than 30+ years, I understand much of “medicalese,” but it doesn’t make it any less scary for me. PLUS, I’m a “hard stick.” Now, I just TELL the phlebotomist that so they don’t struggle and poke me 4or 5 times. YIKES!! If they use a butterfly on me, they can usually get me the very first time!! MUCH appreciated that’s for sure.
Having said I’ve been in the health field for years, it’s much different when YOU are the patient. I didn’t feel well in May for some reason; my Apple Watch showed my pulse was jumping all the round, and maybe “fluttering” at times. I just ignored it for awhile, but then I just wasn’t feeling “right.” Made an appointment with my Primary Care Physician just to see what was going on. They weighed me (like normal), took my blood pressure, checked my oxygen level, and my Dr came in an listened to my heart. She said she heard some “fluttering.” She ordered an EKG on the spot, STAT. OK, EKG, not that big of a deal. She came back within minutes of the EKG and told me I was in Atrial Fibrillation and I needed to go to the emergency room IMMEDIATELY!! What?!? I told her I would gladly go to the hospital, but I would just drive myself. Well, how did you GET here today? Being the smart-ass I am, I say, “How do you THINK I got here? I’m a widow, I live alone, so I just drove myself, like I always do.” No, that would NOT do. She was calling an ambulance, and THEY would take me to the ER!!. What the ***?!? No, I don’t need an ambulance; I can drive myself, and I PROMISE I will drive straight to the ER. No, she can’t let me do that; I could pass out between there and the hospital. So, they started oxygen on me IMMEDIATELY, 5 minutes later the ambulance, paramedics, and firefighters come in this tiny exam room. And ask me what the problem is, what meds I’m on, how I’m feeling, etc., put me on a gurney, and take me by ambulance to the hospital ER where I was seen IMMEDIATELY, unlike all the other people waiting in the waiting room. I had another EKG which they compared to the one from my Drs office, had multiple IVs started, a portable chest x-ray, multiple draws for blood, and I can’t even remember what ELSE they did. I was kind of in a fog, not really quite aware of all that was happening because I was still in denial that this was happening. From the Drs office, I quickly texted my brother and sister-in-law who live 50 miles away that I was being taken to the ER from Drs office with heart issues. Then texted my next-door neighbors to ask if they could check on my 2 dogs who were home alone, and I would probably not be home until the next day at the earliest. I had JUST rescued a 5-year-old Chow Chow who had come from Texas the week before. I barely knew that dog as I had her for exactly 1 week, and my neighbors hadn’t even MET her yet. Bless them, they stepped in an took care of my fur kids. I was just in such a shock that I even had something that I needed to be hospitalized for, and trying to comprehend everything that heart issue entailed. Once they had me hooked up to all the monitors, my heart rate was about 180+ and bouncing all over, my blood pressure was about 190/110, and my oxygen was WAY low. I was scared, confused, and all alone. One of my good quilting friends does work in post-anesthesia so I texted her to see if she was working that day. She WAS, but didn’t respond for a couple of hours later. She stopped in to see me at the end of her shift and kept me company. I saw so many nurses, Drs, phlebotomists, nurse practitioners, admission people, x-ray techs, and on and on and on. I couldn’t keep track of them all. UGH. The absolute WORSE part of that whole experience was that I had to PEE!! And they wouldn’t let me get out of BED to get to the bathroom. It was only 3 feet away, but I was not permitted let me out of the bed because they were afraid I might pass out because of the heart and BP issues!! EEEEKK!!! They kept trying to get me to use this and that, and I tried to cooperate, but my body just would NOT cooperate. This went on for several hours. I was in pain and tears because they were giving me fluids and also things a diuretic or 2 to eliminate excess fluid. Of COURSE I had to pee🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️!! I begged and begged and they finally brought in a bedside commode. Hallelujah!! I was never so happy to see one of those things in my life!! My heart rate was NOT going back down immediately in spite of all the drugs they were giving me, so they were keeping me overnight at the very LEAST. I’ve NEVER had any heart issues before, and my blood pressure has been normal since I’ve been on meds for the past 15+ years. UGH. Seems there was a pretty good reason that I had feeling yucky for a few weeks. I DO wear an Apple Watch, but I use it mostly to count steps and hours of standing. I don’t use most of the cardiac functions on it. Well, I figured out a couple of the cardiac apps on the watch while I was in the hospital. Seems I had been in A Fib for 3-5 weeks according to my watch😱😱!! I just didn’t KNOW it. So, the meds weren’t working quickly enough, and, after I saw a cardiologist and nurse practitioner, I would be scheduled for the next day for a cardioversion. But not until later in the day. I had hardly ANY food the day I was admitted, and they wouldn’t let me eat or drink anything until this procedure was completed. UGH. It wasn’t scheduled until 2 p.m. or later!!!! AAAACCCKK. I was STARVING and dehydrated by then. AND CRABBY because I was HUNGRY. Boo, Hiss!! But the procedure took 20 minutes, it was successful, and my heart rhythm was back to normal YaY🙌🙌!!! Still had to stay ANOTHER night for observation. Dang it. I was more worried about my animals than I was about myself, but I knew my neighbors would take care of my babies, and they would be fine. I was at the hospital for less than 48 hours, although it seemed like FOREVER, getting poked and prodded ALL THE TIME!!! I had been started on multiple different meds and was discharged with SIX NEW medications. One of them for a blood thinner, and it was a ridiculous amount of money for a 30 day supply!! Another UGH. They added this and that and changed my blood pressure meds. And my BP was WAY higher than when I was actually in the hospital. And I had a CONSTANT HEADACHE after that for nearly 6 weeks!! Another UGH!! I was seen by cardiology multiple times to see how I was doing, and to change my meds to help with the headaches. Had a chemically induced stress test and my BP was STILL high before the test so they contacted my nurse practitioner to see if they could change meds again. Had a number of things changed and called in to pharmacy before I was even finished with the test. WooHoo!! Saw cardiology again 3 days later and BP was STILL high and headaches persisted. Another BOO👎👎. Several meds were making me nauseous so those were discontinued. I had lost 15 lbs in less than 2 weeks, most likely due to the diuretics. Interesting, but I still had the headaches. Think they tweaked the meds for my blood pressure 5-6 DIFFERENT times before the headaches went away and my BP is now normal🙌🙌!! And I’ve lost 30 lbs through all of this. They tell me I now have “heart failure” even though I no longer have Atrial Fibrillation, and will most likely be on all these meds for heat, blood thinners, and on and on for the rest of my life. Not exactly what I wanted to hear. How could I go from a slightly overweight, but relatively healthy older woman to such a mess in such a short period of time? There really WAS something wrong with my health for awhile, and I just didn’t realize it, and wasn’t imagining that I didn’t feel good. I have felt CRAPPY for the past 6+ weeks, too, because my BP was so dang high and the headaches I had were excruciating. I couldn’t concentrate, and slept a LOT!! I’ve TOTALLY lost my SewJo because of this. I just want things to go back to normal.
The sort of good news is that I HAVE lost 30 lbs which I needed to do, but not in quite the way it happened. I’m eating less than I used to, and not quite so much junk. I FINALLY feel like a human being again, and have SOME energy. I felt so weak and tired and unenthused about EVERYTHING. It took me way longer to bounce back from this little “issue” than it did when I had either of my knees replaced. It was just a different kind of “issue” than joint replacement was. I KNEW that I would be better after the joint replacements in 6-8 weeks, and would continue to improve after that. With this heart issue, I had no idea if Atrial Fibrillation would return once it went away, I had no idea when those stupid headaches would stop or IF my blood pressure would go back to normal, even with LOTS of meds. There were just so many unknowns with this issue. Fortunately, I think I think I’m on the upward swing of this blip in my road. It’s just a nuisance right now and I need to see some Dr or nurse practitioner practically every 2 weeks for the next few months. UGH.
SOOO, Mary, I’m telling you it’s NOT easy at our age dealing with a health issue with which we are unfamiliar and totally not prepared to deal with. It’s a shock to our systems and to our brains that there really IS something not quite right, and it takes us awhile to regroup once we actually know what in the heck is going on. Having worked in the medical field over 30 years, I know LOTS about Drs and tests and hospitalizations, etc., etc. People that haven’t had much contact with the medical profession don’t have a clue about all the things that need to happen when a medical issues crops up, and what is exactly needed to get to the bottom of things so treatment/cure can happen. I don’t say this to offend you at all, but if you haven’t been around all these medical procedures before, you don’t really have the knowledge of many of those things. You were just lucky that you were in the right place when you had that bleed so you could be taken care of ASAP!! God was watching out for you that day🥰🥰. And it’s ALL been scary for you because you haven’t ever had to deal with any of this stuff yourself!! Plus, sometimes, the clinics and hospitals don’t make it the easiest thing to deal with. I pray that things continue to go well for you, they your team has great wisdom to help you, and that things go the way they should in the future. You have a whole COUNTRY full of people praying for you and pulling for you. I would help you on a regular basis if I lived closer, but know you need to ASK for help at times. You can’t do it all yourself if you aren’t well yet!!! So, ask for help when you need it. That’s ALWAYS my mistake: I don’t ask for enough help. I’m ever so much better than I was even 2 weeks ago, and I feel like I’m back as part of the human race again. I was SOOO lethargic for weeks, and nauseous, too. Thankfully, not dizzy or in pain, and my shortness of breath was GONE🙌🙌!! But those dang headaches were pretty debilitating. I just couldn’t do ANYTHING with painful, knock me on my rear end headaches. UGH!!!
So, we’re ALL praying for you and wishing you to be well as fast as possible. BUT, you may need to take it easy for awhile!! Don’t fight it, just go with it, and ask for help if you need it. There are people who will step up and help!! Sending prayers, love, and hugs, from me and my furry companions.
Oh, Lord Mary. I’m so sorry that you have to go through all of this. You are such an inspiration, and your daily journal for us all is a delight. God bless you and your doctors.
I know how hard it is to ask for help, when you take pride in the ability to be independent. Unfortunately, there are times when you do need help. I say this because I have felt the same way. I hope you will get this resolved and be better soon.
Whenever my husband goes in for blood work, he tells the nurse to please use a “butterfly needle.”
It has a much smaller diameter needle on it and is just as useful as the bigger needles. He tends to faint when giving blood, so they told him not to give blood any more.
Hi Mary – sounds like you had a frustrating day- I’m sorry that happened to you. But I’ll wager you felt a bit better after seeing your chickens and doing something for yourself. I know it’s tough when you can’t do the things you want to do – and no one else will do it like you do. But- you can give up just a wee bit of control and be thankful for the assistance- even if you change things after they’ve left. My sweet mother-in-law loved folding laundry, so any time she came to visit, I’d let her fold to her heart’s content. After she left, I went around refolding the laundry to my way, ha ha. I’d love to have her here folding laundry again and maybe now I’d leave it folded her way. I hope you’re having a better day today. 😉❤️
Thinking of you, Ricky, Becky, Jenny, and all the farm animals and sending good wishes. Houston continues to get power to people. Our church had power Sunday, a brand new pastor, and lots of faces we had not seen in awhile. We will all make it through the difficulties. I keep thinking of your sweet little bed with all those pictures surrounding you. Take it easy and know that we sewing sisters are with you in spirit.
Tanya – I love my sweet little bed – a lot of comfort there in that small space! So glad your power issue is getting resolved.
Dear Mary, please picture all of your friends out here holding you in our arms with your head on our shoulders; maybe even patting your back and rocking you a little bit. The anxiety that comes with health issues is like no other. You’re not whining, just expressing frustration and we all understand and hold you in our hearts. Kris
When I was going through breast cancer 20+ years ago a dear friend said God only sends you what he knows you can handle. You can handle this Mary. Many many people are praying for your speedy recovery. And remember sometimes you have to step back and let people do for you.
Very glad to see that I can comment and read the comments on this post.
Keep plugging away Mary. We all need your posts and are happy to read your whining. To me, it is not whining and I’m sure it’s not to others. Prayers for your stamina to increase and accept help because it makes others feel good to give it.
I am so sorry this is happening to you. Hopefully, you will get good news and be better soon, but hopping on the medical hamster wheel is no fun, and that’s an understatement. I had a similar situation that started in March, back surgery at Mayo that was infected during surgery. After communicating through the portal for a couple weeks and sending pictures of the worsening wound (since we live five hours away) they called and told me to get right down there. I went right from the doctor appointment to a hospital room and into surgery. I was in the hospital for five days and went home with a PICC line (central line from my arm to my heart) and had to give myself IV infusions every eight hours for five weeks. The side effects from the incredibly strong drug were really hard to deal with, but it was the only thing to beat the infection which could have killed me. I can so relate to what you’re going through and you have my utmost sympathy. I’m glad you can get out to close up your chickens for the night. Any little piece of normalcy is a prize to hang on to.
Holly – oh my gosh!!!! So was the infection something that happened because of a doctor’s “mistake”? This bleeding I had came from the mass and I have a suspicion that the radiologist doing the needle biopsy nicked it but nobody of course has said this in so many words. 5 days at Mayo? Ugh. I’m so afraid I’m looking at something similar. If I remember correctly we haven’t heard from you in awhile – now we know why.
The infection happened during surgery and they said it was something that just can happen because I was opened up and suseptible. The surgeon said about two percent of patients come back with a problem. That’s my luck for you. No apology, of course, which would have been nice to hear. I don’t think I would’ve heard that it actually happened during surgery if a resident surgeon hadn’t told me. The head surgeon certainly wouldn’t have admitted it. And I wouldn’t have known the bacteria was everwhere, including in my spinal fluid, if the report hadn’t been in with my 78 pages of discharge papers. You’re probably right about the radiologist nicking a vessel. And now you’re dealing with the miserable aftermath. I am SO sorry you have to go through this. I hope everything goes well.
PS. If you get fed up with hospital food, I highly recommend takeout from Canadian Honker right across 2nd from the hospital if someone can get it for you. Really good food, reasonably priced and they’re very fast as they do a lot of takeout. 😊
Holly – I am familiar with the Canadian Honker’s fabulous food!! Had never thought about takeout to the hospital however. Yup, things happen and nobody ever says anything. The radiologist came to my room and I swear he had a sheepish look on his face but I probably imagined it. The day he came to my room was after the first night when they finally gave me fentanyl for the pain. I doubt I was very welcoming. So, Holly, how are you today?
Mary, I’m so happy to be off the IV medication and feel much better for not having all those side effects, but some of them are lingering. I still get so tired and don’t have the same energy level as before. I came off restrictions a couple weeks ago and I’m enjoying going to the grocery store on my own and getting out to do a few things in my flower beds. (What’s life without flowers?) And I can bend now, so I can use my design wall again. 🙂 They weren’t able to fix everything that time and osteoarthritis did to my back, so I can’t stand for long at all, or walk far without having to sit down due to pain. That’s a new normal I’ll have to adjust to. The second surgery, infection and IV meds really did a number on me and I think it will be a long road to get to the end of that, unfortunately. I’m so lucky that most of my hobbies are done sitting down! 🙂
Mary,
One day at a time. The waiting for information seems interminable, so sorry. You are strong. Answers will come. The chickens were glad to see you, I’m sure.
For those with small veins, I, too, have that issue. I always ask them to use the smallest needle possible. The draw is a little slower, but, still gets the job done. Only in recent years have I learned to tank up with water the day before, That really helped.
Jan in AZ
Thinking of you so much Mary and hoping very, very that you’ll soon be feeling yourself again. With very best wishes, Julia
Dammit, wish you were not having to go through your current situation and when you have not had health problems before, it is really hard to deal with them now. Really, really hope that things will calm down for you soon, just take a deep breath, say a little prayer, and do what you can when you can. Hugs from the sunny and hot south.
Praying for you today. May Jesus calm your heart.
Take advantage of the help. Now is the time for you to heal and replenish.
I’m digesting a new health diagnosis myself. It sucks! The medication I’m on makes me quite dizzy, fatigued, and anxious along with a host of other things. I enjoy working in my flower beds and in our yard, but have learned quickly this summer, that I just can’t do what I once did. My Grands have helped with the weeding but being age 8 and under, they need constant supervision. My prayers are with you for comfort, answers, and a treatment plan. Hang in there and take it a day at a time.
Hugs and prayers Mary! I’m so sorry to see this. I haven’t gotten any email notices about blog posts for a few days. Decided to look the blog up online and saw this. Oh my! What an ordeal for you! Rest and take care of yourself. I hope you’re able to put the chickens to bed and rest with your dogs. It’s so hard when our bodies don’t cooperate with what our minds want to do.
Thinking of you this morning and praying you are feeling better and on the mend, completely restored to good health.
Oh Mary! It shouldn’t be this difficult for you! Sounds like you had a rough day. I’m glad you got to see your chickens. Hopefully you’ll hear something soon. My prayers are with you.
Mary, your purpose right now is to rest. If you have appointments, I hope someone can take you, if you are weak and dizzy. I am glad you have help today- that’s good! Here’s hoping you get answers soon.
Prayers for you. Let Becky and Jenny help you . All you do for others and now it is time for you to have help. It will help you heal.
Hugs!!!!
Oh, Mary…prayers for quick healing for you! I, too have a hard time with getting help from others but sometimes it’s necessary. And the door incident…it’s no problem as long as the staff didn’t treat you like you were feeble or incompetent (which I’ve seen both happen!)
Big hugs for you!
So sorry you had such a rotten day. Today will be better with Becky and Jenny coming over. Think of this as a time to read all the books you haven’t had a chance to read. Take it one day at a time. Know that we are all praying for you.
Keeping you in my prayers each day. Get some needed rest and try to eat as your body needs some good nutrition as it heals.
The door button was placed by somebody who has never had to use one.. My complaint is narrow bathroom stalls and no handrails because the one handicap stall is being used by a healthy person! This has hit you like a ton of bricks, and wanting to scream and cry out of frustration is normal and probably helps. Waiting for results and facing the unknown is scary. That said, you are one tough cookie! Enjoy your day with Becky and Jenny. You have spent years helping others and now it is time to let others help you. I hope you receive hundreds of cards! Mine is in the mail!
Mary, you continue to be in my thoughts & prayers 💓🙏 may you feel God’s loving & healing touch from all the prayers going up for you. There is a reason for everything. God, and all of us, are walking beside you through all of this! Whine all you want, let it out so you can feel better soon. We feel your frustration & pray all the more for you ❣️ love, hugs & prayers for you & your family.
I agree with so many others that you do have purpose and that purpose is to take care of yourself! You’re a strong person. This is just a set-back. Care for yourself and rest and you will bounce back. I know how hard it is. I like to be up and about doing something, too. There is a time for everything and this is your time to rest and grow strong again. Lots of prayers are being said for you.
Mary, you’re such a strong person and as many have said you can and should as much as possible put that strength and resolve into taking care of yourself and regaining your strength. If that means riding the cart to take care of the chickens do so and modify other activities as well. And rely on others. They are your back up resource! And whine and scream on the blog all you want. That’s what those of us too far away to physically help you are here for. Hang in there.
Karen C.
So sorry to hear this is happening to you.
Mary, we are sisters from another mother I swear. I am so like you, super animal lover, quilter – although I can’t produce anything like you do, but I even feel guilty forever when someone has to help me and I can’t do it myself. I had my bestie and her husband come every morning and evening to feed Albert, Norman and Bear when he was here, and Paul even cleaned the stalls, when I broke my leg. I will never ever be able to repay them but I will never get over feeling guilty for all that help.
So hopefully this won’t be the only help you get. Darn I wish we were neighbors!
I pray for less discomfort for you and am so very sorry for this waiting game, but praying it will be a simple fix to remove your unwanted boarder in your abdomen! Love and gently hugs, Linda
Linda – are you the Linda who has Nelson? You have described how I feel to a T and it makes me so anxious! Rick, bless his heart, is not good help because he doesn’t understand my complete devotion to my animals. As in “sons a bitches” – great example. I locked them up myself last night – if I’m careful I can do these things. And which cat doesn’t like which cat, which cat uses which door so don’t shut it until she’s in for the night, etc, etc. and poor Keeper! He even tried to jump out of the car yesterday at the clinic so he could stay with me. How can I leave him? Hazel is too independent to care if I’m gone or not. Ahh, enough.
Yes Mary, I am Nelson’s mom. And no one ever can take care of our babies like we do, that’s why they follow us and are always so happy to see us, we are their persons! They very best was they way my horses looked at me with their huge brown eyes, I was their person and they know I loved them and they trusted me, that’s one of God’s greatest gifts to me. I dislike going anywhere because even though everyone will be ok, they are not getting my love and attention and they miss me! But they survive and I hope they are even more grateful for me!
Love ad prayers Mary.
Linda – one of Becky’s friends, a non animal lover, told me recently that my animals would adapt. Another acquaintance said one time that she’d feed them but would never love them. First of all I would never say that to an animal lover. Don’t they realize how much I care? I would never say something like that to them about their kids or grandkids. Duh. Such a no brainer. People that poke fun at what’s so important to me are not needed in my life.
Mary. Sending you calm, healing and peace. Bless all who are helping you. Wish I could be there to join them. You remain in my prayers. We had a needed 0.25 inches of rain last night.
Marthanne
God will see you through your health issue! Stay strong! 🙏 Joanne
Prayers and hugs for a speedy recovery❤️. I have no doubt you’ll be back on your feet real soon!
Oh gosh Mary I’m sorry you are in this situation. You WILL get better. Being down has its challenges for those of us who like to stay busy but rest is a real thing. A necessary thing to get to the other side of this. Can you sit on the porch and read? Maybe plan a quilt. Thank you for making the effort to keep us all updated. We are all awaiting news of the biopsy results. Keeping you in my prayers.
I know it has been said. You do have something to do. It is to take care of YOURSELF. That will get you to recovery and back to those things you would rather be doing all the quicker. Number one chore right now is to take care of you. Follow doctor’s orders and rest and recover. Find a good book and put your feet up. Many of us have been there.
You had a horrible day and that office visit was so awful. I am hoping that tomorrow will be much better for you!
What a frustrating experience. And everything is so hard to handle when you feel bad. Most everyone past 65 can relate to our bodies betraying us. Give yourself some grace and allow yourself time to heal. It’s ok to take it easy for a little bit!
Mary, call for an appointment like you usually do. See when they can get you in. If that appointment time doesn’t suit you. Hang up and call back for your doctor’s nurse. Explain the situation to her or him and see if the nurse can get you in sooner. Or like someone else said if your clinic has an online portal use that to communicate with your doctor and be sure to include everything, including your shakiness and dizziness. I’m praying that the biopsy is negative and that you’ll regain your strength soon. Please let others help you. You do so much for others now it’s their turn to help you.
Why in the world would they put the door opening button so far away from the door? Who wouldn’t have a hard time finding it? Why don’t they have a sign or something to help find it? Good Grief! And, then it being the wrong place. You really did have a frustrating day. Hope tomorrow is so much better.
Oh blimey, what a challenging day. Hey when your body isn’t behaving the way you are used to and you feel like crap you are allowed to whine. We hear you and most of us understand the frustration. Besides all this is scary. I do hope you can get some help with chores and all the other stuff you do routinely-which is about everything. You might have to scream for help! We all wish we could fix it or fix you but in the meantime we’ll pray.
Pat in Md.
mary, i’m sorry you are feeling so fragile. it is a horrid feeling and hard to admit. we think we should be able to do things we have always done. unfortunately our bodies don’t feel that way. the tears are probably frustration because you think you can do what you always do, like with the door. it probably felt humiliating to you. it does to me when it happens. wait, i always do this, why can’t i now? because you had an incident out of your control that has taken away your strength. you will most likey get back all of your strength. it will take time and strength of will to let it come in its own time. can’t be rushed or you will be in worse shape. i know you don’t want that. everytime i have an episode i lose more strength and it takes longer to come back. it is NOT fun and no one thinks it is. i have learned to make jokes to make myself feel better. yes, i can sew, but i do it sitting down gurn around in my chair and , iron while sitting down. i cut fabric while sitting down. i cannot get upstairs hardly at all (the longarm lives up there). then it takes days or weeks to recover from that. you will get there. it will just take time and patience. try to take care and follow orders. your doctor can tell you how to make keeper a service dog and he will know what paperwork is required. i’m sure he’d do it if asked. my son’s doc did that for his dog. please take care and whine all you want. soft hugs, patti in florida who totally understands how frustrating not doing is
Mary – you not helpless! You have had some health issues and you need time to recover. Take it easy and let your body heal.
Dear Mary,
I,too, am sorry you are having a difficult time. Please remember this is temporary. I have had two serious accidents (ruptured Achilles tendon and a dislocated elbow – worse than a break!) that required me to be dependent on others! For us independent types, it’s very difficult!!! But, as we experience joy in helping others, gratefully learn to accept that same help given to you! A hard lesson to learn, for sure!! But just keep in mind, this is temporary – this helped me tremendously!
Praying for you! Jan P
Jan – but what if it isn’t temporary?
If it isn’t temporary, then you will deal with that when it comes. For me, the unknown is the scariest – that limbo of helplessness. Once I know ‘bad news’ (if there is any), I can take action to handle it and generally feel better. You’re a strong, capable, faithful woman, and you will make the best of whatever hand you’re dealt. In the meantime, we’re here to listen and pray for you with all our hearts.
I really understand it when you say you hate having to need help to do your daily stuff that you love to do. I hope you will be back to yourself as soon as this health issue is taken care of. Just try to be patient. We are all rooting for you!
Hi Mary, l know it’s hard when you are normally so active, but your body needs to take it easy. The chickens will be happy when you put them to bed at night.Keeper is turning out to be a big support for you. I’m watching King Charles and his garden at Highgrove house at present while l cough and splutter (getting over the flu) and enjoying the flowers. Take care everyone, best wishes from Sandy
Sending you a great big cyber hug 💕💕
Mary, on your last post, I didn’t have a way to comment. I’m so glad this one came through loud and clear.
You deserve to whine, vent and general complaining all you want. We are big girls and can it all. Sometimes letting go of frustrations makes it better.
I’m sure your doctor is the person to give you a prescription for a service companion. Sounds like Keeper needs you as much as you need him. After you get paperwork, your vet should tell you where to get vests,etc.
God gave us sisters to help, so let Gods will be done! Becky and Jenny will be more than grateful to help you during this time. It will all pass and you’ll be good as new. If you have an incident by yourself, that could be disastrous.
Take care, my friend
Jo – I can never quite understand why comments don’t appear every time I post! If you can’t find them please go online where you’ll likely find not only the comments but comments from others.
Mary, they told me that you need 3 days to recover for each day you were in the hospital. June 1 I got home after 7 weeks in the hospital for renal failure and then 21 days in rehab. I’m still not up to where I feel i should be. I feel your frustration! I’m there with you. Go slowly at first so you don’t fall. I know it is hard for such an active person like you, but your strength will come back if you take baby steps. You are fine, you just need to slow down a few days. From somebody who is there with you! We love you!, Mary! Marsha
Marsha – 7 weeks in the hospital? And then 3 more weeks in rehab? How could you do it? And how are you feeling now? How did your hubby do all that time? Oh my, and I’m feeling sorry for myself? I’ll just remind myself to think about you when I get discouraged and anxious. Will you keep us updated, please?
Mary, We are all sorry about your problems right now and pray that all is much better soon. But, your reply to Marsha shows that the Mary we all love is still there, showing her concern for others. Thanks for all the encourageing comments you send our way.
Janet – Keeper is so attached to me that it’s almost not healthy. I am sitting back and accepting help.
Hi Mary
I fell two more times in the bathroom, the second time I had two cracked vertebrae in the lower back. I had kyphoplasty surgery (cement injected in my back at two levels). It relieved the pain. Then I went into kidney failure. No one knows why. My creatinine was 7, normal is 1.5. I was in the hospital for IV fluids and strict kidney diet. Do you know how many foods have potassium, phosphorous, and sodium? I got moved to a larger hospital for the surgery. The last 2 weeks they were trying to find a rehab that would accept me. You know, when THEY want you out, it took a day! I was in the hospital when Ascension got hit with the computer takeover. They found a place for me to go 3 days later!! It was nice and close for family to visit. Dwight did good until the second week of rehab. He fell four times one night trying to get to the bathroom. Our daughter called the ambulance and they took him to a different hospital. He stayed overnight with dehydration and gave him IV fjuids. He got back home but was still pretty weak. Our daughter took over care for both of us. She is still helping us out quite a bit. I’m walking thanks to rehab, but with a walker for short distances. Each fall I have been slower to recover, but I’m going to do it! Dwight got better and then he had a set back with a hernia that will have surgical repair on July 25. He is ready and counting down the days. If I can come back, you will, too. Know it is normal to give yourself time to recover. Little steps of progress each day will soon get you back to your normal. Home Health was a big help. Do you have Home Health available to you? They can assess what you can do and give you realistic goals to help you recover Safely. As said by everyone, we are praying for you!.. Marsha
Marsha – your ordeal reads like a horror novel! And poor Dwight! Is he still receiving care? I really don’t need home health right now but probably in the future. I have to say your daughter needs to apply for sainthood! Dwight shouldn’t be getting out of bed during the night – get him a urinal! I feel much better today actually. Yesterday was a bummer.
I went to my oncologist today after 10 days in the hospital. They told me it takes up to a week to recover for each day in the hospital. I have been home a week and I agree that it will take some time to fully recover. Not fun, but we all need to learn to accept help. Mary, as hard as it is just be patient and hopefully you’ll be back to your old self soon! Prayers for you!
Mary – I will hate to think about 10 days in the hospital! Were you so sick you didn’t need entertaining? Are you under lots of restrictions at home? Yes, I am learning to be patient and accept help and I’m not sure I could face this without all of you.
I was sick enough that all I did was sleep most of the time until the last couple of days. I still spend very little time doing much of anything. Still not much energy, but it’s slowly improving.
Mary – what a struggle for you and what a shock! And I hated that you said chemo was awful. Ugh. I am so sorry.
Mary I know how much you love your chickens but please remember your restrictions!!
Ask me how I know.
Still praying for you my friend.
Mary, I hope you feel better soon. Waiting for your body to heal (when you are so active) is very hard. Sorry for all that you are going through, praying you will be back to normal soon.🌸
Susan Hodges – oh my goodness, your name is a voice from the past! Do you still read the blog? Evidently you do. And do you still sew like crazy? I’m not sure anyone could keep up with you. How many years has it been? I loved seeing your familiar name!
I’m sure you do hate feeling helpless – it’s a pain, for sure! Keep that spunk going, dammit! It’ll help you get through this trying time… and you’re allowed to “whine” now and then!
Prayers going up!
Yes, you are fine, dog gone it.
Hang in there and stay strong.
Mary, so sorry you are having such a trying time. Prayers for you for a speedy recovery. Take care and get plenty of rest!
Had to laugh at the “I’m fine dammit!”. Funny, but not funny, I know. I’m facing hernia surgery, caused by trying to do too much and not asking for help, or so I’m told by everybody. So I know how frustrated you’re feeling not being able to do things that are usually easy for you. Hang in there and hope you enjoyed spending time with your chickens.
Barbara – it is very frustrating to be assigned to a sedentary life style and yes, I loved seeing my favorite chickens – my, how they’ve grown!
What a terrible stressful day you have had. I hope tomorrow is better and that you begin to feel better. I’m glad you were able to go and take care of the chickens. Remember to take care of yourself.
Yes, dammit, you are okay. And, it is okay to whine especially to all of us. Most of us have been through or have had spouses who have been through rough times. You should whine! I am glad you will have Becky and Jennie tomorrow. They will be a good help. And, putting the SOB chickens away had to feel good. Sorry about your arm looking like a pin cushion.
Keeper– I agree, your doctor should be able to fill in the paperwork. Most of the support animals I see have a harness with that info on it. I think it would be good for both you and Keeper.
Don’t do anything strenuous yet. You can be “useful” later when you feel up to it. Are you sleeping? I take
a pink Benadryl if I can’t sleep and it knocks me out. They are not addictive and not too much meds in them–just enough to drop you off to sleep.
Good luck, my friend. This too shall pass. Meantime, BE STILL:)
Mary, Sending loads of positive thoughts…sorry for frustration, and the feeling of helplessness…it will pass once they have figured out a plan to get you better!
Take Care of you…Bev
I imagine your arms are a mess from blood draws and IV’s in the hospital. The older we get the harder it is to find veins. I have a draw this week for a yearly physical and knowing many tubes will be needed, I drink lots of water to help the phlebotomist even find my tiny veins.
I hope you find something substantial in the food department that agrees with you cause the pain is no fun. Let others give you a hand right now as you give so much of yourself. I know it’s not in your nature but you have to heal too and don’t want any setbacks.
We were under 2 tornado warnings but just got a lot of rain and no wind thankfully. What strange weather we’ve been having for our part of the country.
thanks for the info about drinking lots of water before a blood test. never knew that. they always have trouble trying to find my veins and the veins like to move. i appreciate the tip. patti in florida
Whenever my husband goes in for blood work, he tells the nurse to please use a “butterfly needle.”
It has a much smaller diameter needle on it and is just as useful as the bigger needles. He tends to faint when giving blood, so they told him not to do that any more.
Ruth W – I’ve never heard of a butterfly needle – won’t the nurses think I’m trying to tell them how to do their job?
Mary you have every right to inform the staff of any needs or concerns. You are not telling them to do their job but to please be mindful you are this or that. I worked in a lab, I know! We needed to know who the fainters were so we could be prepared such as laying them down on the cots for their draws. Many want butterfly needles used cause they think being smaller size, it won’t hurt. I tell them to try the regular needle first cause some are very good and can get the tube to fill for processing the tests. I’ve never had a tattoo nor do I want one but have had many IVs and blood draws and every imaginable vaccine out there given due to being in health care so don’t be afraid to share with staff your anxiety. Water is my best friend before blood draws and if a butterfly needle has to be used, I just know it might take a little longer to fill a tube so I don’t have to come back for a redraw due to an insufficient volume.
Kathy – I do always tell them I can’t look – I have to read my book or my phone. They must think I’m a priss – I guess I am. I do always tell those that get it in in the first try thank you for their expertise.
Mary, sure hope you feel better soon. I certainly do love you’re blog and want you feeling better soon. Those “sob” chickens need you to put them in at night!!
Mary, I’m so sorry you had such horrible day. A visit with your chickens and a good nights rest, tomorrow will be better. Be kind to yourself and remember to breathe.
Take care
I do believe Keeper needs to your support companion for these appts! Imagine how less stressed you would be to have him by your side. There has to be a way to do that!
I sure wish I was your neighbor, I love to help with farm chores but don’t want a full time farm.
Terri – I forgot to say that Keeper jumped out of the car with me! I hung on tight to him so he didn’t get away but I don’t really know how to make him my support companion. Where do I start?
Mary I would think your primary care doctor would be the one to fill out the needed papers for a support therapy dog. Ours did the paperwork for a handicapped sticker after my husbands stroke so all we had to do was take it to our town office. I see all various breeds now in stores, walking next to them with a leash, sitting in motorized carts with their owners, and even riding in shopping carts on several blankets. All have service collars or harnesses on them.
I am sorry your visit to the clinic was difficult.
We are having a thunderstorm, so I am assuming you already had one. Ours started out with lots of wind, the tornado siren blew, and the electricity went off. After we decided there was no tornado, we sat in our porch swing and enjoyed the rain. Herb went to bed; I am still in the swing—still no power.
Take care, Mary. I know you are bored, as you are usually a little dynamo with a million tasks to do. I am sending hugs and positive vibes for healing. 🥰
Independence is great, but sometimes we just have to ask for help. One of the hardest things is to admit we are getting older. Offering prayers for better days ahead,
Mary, just take one day at a time…… I know, easier said than done!!!! I sprained my ankle really badly 2 weeks ago – having to sit with it elevated and put ice on it became annoying after day 3….. but we have to be patient and let our bodies heal. You know we are all praying for you.
Mary, you had a stressful day. How long do you think you have to wait until your arm is better? They can do the other arm. You will have to call tomorrow to get another appointment I’m afraid. When things don’t go well it is very upsetting. Tomorrow will be better, I hope. I’d ask to speak with your doctor’s nurse or leave a message so they can call you back. My medical facility lets us send messages on the portal. You have two situations happening. Have some home style chunky chicken noodle soup if you can eat something. I hope you get things worked out.
Oh the button for the door! I’ve had that experience also! Stress just does a number on us! We’re all pulling for you! And please VENT all you need to!
You do have a purpose, think of all the joy you bring into our lives and others. You’re dealing with the unknown right now and it’s stressful. Take care of yourself and rest.
Mary,
You have a purpose; it is to rest and hopefully regain strength. I am 10 years younger than you and you put me to shame with how much you accomplish. I hope you have someone to walk beside you when out and about. You mentioned feeling shaky, weak, and dizzy and the last thing you need is to fall down. Please take all the help/assistance that comes your way. Wishing you better days.
Oh, Mary. I’m so sad that you’re feeling so bad. I hope you get to see or at least talk to your doctor sooner than later. Feeling shaky and dizzy doesn’t sound good. You’ve been through a rough week, and I know you want to get back to normal, but I hope you take it easy. You don’t want to be away from the house and have a relapse of that bleed. I’ll stop scolding you now 🙂 I was so happy to see your post on Facebook, so I came over to see if you had written a blog post. I wish I lived closer to be able to help you! Jan in MA
Jan – please tell me my whining post didn’t end up on Facebook!!! I didn’t put it there – I only whine to you guys and I don’t want it on Facebook! I’m just going to shut up now.
Mary – I keep you in my thoughts and prayers. It’s so hard to feel bad for a long period of time. It starts to mess with your happiness! I’m so glad that you keep us informed. You whine all that you want! We’re here for you!
Mary, all of your friends (and they are many) on this blog, including me, are lifting you in prayer for healing, comfort and a smooth way through this medical process. God bless you and hold you in the palm of his hand.
Mary I’m so sorry you are going thru this! You have always been so self sufficient and it’s hard for you to ask for help even when needed. We who follow you feel helpless not being able to help you other than being there in spirit.🥰 stay strong and you have all our prayers.🙏